Facing My Self-Centeredness in Fall

It’s raining and thundering, hooray for Fall (took you long enough!).

I started to go for a walk in the dark, and the asphalt smelled like hot rain. The lighting flashed and I turned around and ran home. I wish to be braver, to walk in thunderstorms without fear of fire.
Have I told you how much I love words? Kind words? Funny words? Encouraging words?
I eat words for breakfast.
I was flossing (rare event) when I realized I love words too much. They have become my salve, my band aid, my bravery, my courage.
It feels nice to read “Good job” or “You are so funny” or, “I’m changing my name to JoAnn because you’re the most awesome person in the entire world and I named my cat AND my goldfish after your blog”.
It feels nice, but I’m not humble enough to handle it. I can’t run in thunderstorms, and I can’t handle blog comments. Also, the happy feeling only lasts as long as a day. Then the comments are gone, there are no new ones. I could always write another post to get more…but that’s not what I started blogging for.
And, that would be using you, my friends. I don’t want to use my friends to build my golden idol. Gold really isn’t my color.
“Until we are humble the Cross is not precious” my friend said to me…
I want to depend on the One who satisfies, the One who gives me water that makes me thirst no more. Instead of running to Jesus, I’ve been running to the computer, feeding my hungry ego. Tell me you love me little pixels!
And it’s not your fault. It’s mine. Because, anything can be an idol (something that takes the place of God in your life), even Farmville (that’s a different story for a different day).
So I’m closing comments. I think we can still be friends. I will still have my email up. I will still be around. I just need to eliminate the things that are distracting me from knowing Him.
“For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.” -Isa. 57:15

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