The Messy Wonderful of Monday

I stopped counting gifts for a long while; it seemed like a lie.

I wanted to stop blogging as well, but instead I waffled and grasped for words that hid behind a big shadow; the shadow of my life. I wanted to be honest, but I was too afraid.

I was not feeling close to God, at all, these past months. He had become a True Thing, like gravity. Something I believed but didn’t really care too much about.
I’ve always needed things to be perfect.
They never were perfect of course, but at least I could pretend to have a grip on things while I was settled, in one place. There’s something quite disconcerting about packing up your possessions, wrapping them in newspaper and entombing them in cardboard. There’s something about leaving your home and not knowing where you will end up…something that made my little perfectionist heart beat faster.
I lost my grip.
Things got messy and I got morning sickness. I couldn’t see the golden haired boys playing. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, or my family for the legos. I wanted to burst into tears when I saw the piles of un-filed bills, and dirty dishes made me weak at the knees.
Taking a picture of something pretty in the midst of the chaos seemed false. My life wasn’t beautiful, it was dirty and messy. It was half-unpacked and incapable of touching raw meat. To write a list of nice things, of happy things, of good things…wasn’t that a lie? Wasn’t I telling the world that I was something that I am not? Something beautiful and full when I was really something messy and nauseous?
Then, I learned something…I don’t know who taught it to me, but I have my suspicions. I learned the key to contentment and sanity and getting out of bed each day:
It is good and true to see the beautiful things, even (especially) when your life is a mess…because your life will always be a mess, in one form or another.

So, I’m starting my list again. It will seem (I am sure) that my life is overflowing with beauty and wonder and extravagant gifts. It is.
It is also super messy and sometimes ugly. As I type there are THREE dirty diapers lying on the bathroom floor.

It would be a travesty to miss the wonderful because of the dirty diapers.
300: Oranges in a wire basket, vibrant flames in the midst of foggy days.
301: the view from my kitchen sink…and a geranium that kindly blocks an overgrown, 14-foot rose bush
302: Art sessions in Spiderman pajamas…at 3 p.m.
303: a playroom with a view
304: More diamonds than I expected to see in a lifetime, much less in a day
305: a kitchen where superheroes walk and shoot their guns freely
306: unexpected, chocolate-faced, handymen who show up in your hallway

19 thoughts on “The Messy Wonderful of Monday

  1. You are not alone, my friend. {{HUGS}}
    We all have our ugly messy days too. Some of us have foul mouth teenage sons. I'm not naming any names {LOL}. This morning I prayed since my son has a meeting w/his teacher at 10am {its now 9:36 & he's still in the shower}. i prayed “Lord, please soften his heart this morning & not give me grief” and sure enough no grief this morning and NOT one foul word when he got up. Thank you Lord.
    I'm so happy that you started writing your list again. I can't wait to get to know you through your blog. Happy Monday!


  2. Vulnerability is part of the reason I love reading the blogs I do. Your honesty is refreshing. And seeing the blessing in the everyday is enough to make anyone feel better! Love the list.


  3. Loved reading your list, and I do appreciate your honesty. There is so much to learn from each other as we share our hearts. Thanks for visiting me at Pursuing Heart … and for your words.


  4. you know, sometimes i think it's the messiness of my life that makes beauty and chosen gratitude seem all the more brilliant. and oh, those diamonds…you are rich for having vision to see such things.


  5. I can so relate to all that you wrote. i choose to make myself list for reasons similar to what you said, “It is good and true to see the beautiful things, even (especially) when your life is a mess…because your life will always be a mess, in one form or another.”


  6. just fabulous,
    the messy the ugly/beautiful.

    and each of your photos is real and love and home and hope

    (and we had some messy here this weekend. of the adult child variety… which leads to the adult variety with a touch of spousal thrown in. sigh)


  7. I very much relate!! I always think of Corrie Ten Boom's sister being thankful for the fleas in the concentration camp barracks, and am amazed at her! So I try to keep on being thankful. Sometimes it comes easily, and sometimes it is more of a struggle. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability…:)


  8. I am reading this book too. It is teaching me much. In this scary time we are facing with baby Ollie, I need to remember, everywhere is goodness if I just look. Great post. Adorable boy!


  9. I was hoping for a picture of the diapers…

    I'm with you in striving for “perfection”. I've become less perfectionistic since having kids — there just isn't the time to try! lol… (it's freeing though…)

    PS: We have a gigantic rose bush too. We marvel at its height…


  10. This is one of those posts that makes me want to fly across the country, grab you by the shoulders and plead with you to be my best friend forever.
    I love your honesty and your humor and your heart to choose joy and gratitude, even in the mess. No, especially in the mess.


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