A Declaration From The Ice Queen

The night was pretty rough.

I decided (at 1 a.m.) to never again read “The Billy Goats Gruff” before bedtime. Smaller minds can’t handle the drama.
So, I took the haunted three year old to bed with me and he pat my back as I hauled him down the hall. It was a glimpse of beautiful, five minutes after I had groggily muttered that I was about to lose my temper because I need my sleep like fish need water, like Captain needs Tennille, like apples need bananas.
There’s never enough sleep around here.
There’s never enough coffee.
There’s never enough “me” time.
Until…
I open my eyes and realize that the tiny baby I just met yesterday is now running around and telling me he loves Pirates and showing me his Big Jumps.
And somewhere in the fog of motherhood I missed the part where he learned to talk, much less notice Pirates.
And the other baby that I held, head cradled gently for over a year because of low muscle tone?
He is practically jumping off the slide at the playground. He is clapping his hands and running to me the minute his feet touch the ground, because he doesn’t realize that I am a troll in the early morning. He is hitting me with a toy hammer when I’m not looking, because his big “bruver” has taught him to sword fight, but everyone is a tad vague on the rules.
I don’t have to hold his head up any more.
Quickly and slowly, I am realizing there’s a smallish window of opportunity for all the cuddles and all the kisses and all the gun slinging, light saber wielding, pirate playing.
The sleep? There’s coffee for that.
The coffee? It’s microwavable.
There’s no reviving the Here and Now,
the years I don’t want to miss because I was busy worrying about the state of my laundry pile (not good),
the Two and the Three.
No matter how tired and dreary I may feel, or how frigid my flesh, it’s Spring in my house with these bright little beings. I’m going to keep the Frost to myself and enjoy the little boy blooms…and if I’m feeling really worn out, I may eat a brownie.

23 thoughts on “A Declaration From The Ice Queen

  1. Very poetic. Thanks for this post Joann. I am going through the same thing with Boston not me just focusing on the negative of his reactions instead of noticing the little progressions he has made since we have moved back to Fresno. At times I catch myself being Stalin when I should be another Q to him, playing tag or Darth Vaders or wrestling. Again, thanks for your insight into life. You have a true gift and you have blessed this little ol' missionary this quiet evening.

    p.s. don't microwave your coffee =)

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  2. This one hits home. I was looking at pictures of the Orange from halloween…four short months ago…and she looks like a totally different kid! (Today is her 2nd bday, btw.) I feel like I'm missing so much because Baby Charleigh isn't quite 6 months old, and I. Am. So. Tired! There is no hope for my laundry pile; thanks be to God for lots of clothes. I will pray for you. (Please pray for me back!)

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  3. jo ann, that is beautiful! it DOES go way too fast…my almost 12 yr old baby is sick right now and every time he's sick i do the same thing for him (gently trace his face w/ my fingers), it always helped when he was a baby and now it's just part of the routine when he's sick or tired or sad. and during these times, i wish he was little again and that i could scoop him up in my arms and hold him. it flies by when you're not looking and when you are looking and grasping at air and moments it still flies by….enjoy this time at 1am and this cuddle time sleeping w/ you and hubs in a crowded bed. enjoy the fact that you are exhausted from LITTLE ones and not exhausted from busy laundry, clean the kitchen time, or even “me” time. 'cause even in the middle of “me” time, time will be flying by…..

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  4. my boys are now eleven and seven, and i wish i could go back and “do it right”, go back and erase all this time i have wasted. go back and mother with a clear brain (if that is possible). and i would have never let them even know what a video game is! i always love your posts…and the patting your back down the hall was so sweet. little boys take care of their mommys too!

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  5. When my little boy says something sweet to me I reach out and say give me a hug only his head is a foot taller than mine now and his tree like body hides mine in the embrace. Your writing is honest and endearing, so glad I found your life. Eat a brownie for all motherhood today!

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  6. oh, friend. you know i know — and you put it beautifully here. the longer i'm a mother, the more selfless i become — but only after realizing how utterly selfish i am.

    can you imagine: if we'd never been given this motherhood gig? what ogres and ice queens, though well-rested and caffienated, we might have been?

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  7. Like the Captain needs Tenille…pure poetry in that association. I remember the year my daughter pulled the book of original Grimm's Fairy Tales off the shelf. I don't think any of us slept for a week! Yes, the years go by quickly, and yes, they are exhausting–all of which drives us back to Jesus. Love you.

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  8. I love how “everyone is a tad vague on the rules.” Isn't that true of life too?

    Sheldon has come so far! I'm glad he's noticing pirates and participating in sword fights of sorts.

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  9. Now you've got me all gushy and sentimental. I just broke up “puppy fighting”, where, and I kid not, they were pretending to bite each other's necks. At least they were pretending, eh? I guess I should have made up some rules for puppy fighting. Or perhaps I should never have suggested they play “zookeeper”.
    Anyway, I love this post. Everytime I come here you get me laughing or crying or both. Today was both.

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  10. I bribe my 3 yr. old for kisses on my cheek every time he wants something. I don't have a cuddler. I think it's because I'm not a cuddler. Gosh, I should've pretended…

    It's so fleeting, isn't it??

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