Yeah. And let me tell you it’s not all rainbows and Disneyland rides. There’s been some Stormy Weather, and not in a cool jazz sort of way.
I sat in the car, reflecting on life while Mr. Toothy snoozed and snored in his car seat. Why do new teeth produce extra snot? Why does snot make you snore?
These questions led to more questions.
Why is my life so…messy?
Today I went to lunch with my Momma, and being a generous Grandma, she shared her beef taquito with Shel. He gagged and promptly threw up all over the floor, all over himself, and all over his high chair.
Suddenly, my bean burrito didn’t look very appetizing.
Looking for sympathy, I wrote about it on Facebook:
I forgot to add the “food” part after the Mexican part. Sigh.
Sounding like a cannibal has been the least of my worries. The two year old with the tooth issues and nighttime cough issues has been my main worry, the cereal dumped all over the floor as I rush out the door has been a secondary worry, and OH YEAH! my library books were due today and I did NOT return them. I guess they are my third worry. I’m not going to count anymore, you get the idea.
I know that everyone has frazzled times, and that many people have messy cars with remnants of snacks and Sunday School papers strewn all over the floor. I understand that a barf incident at a restaurant is not that big of a deal.
But, at some point you want to feel sane. I want to feel like I have it together. I want to floss more. I want to never run out of diapers…I at least want a break from body fluids and temper tantrums.
I want peace.
I am realizing that finding peace requires something.
It requires eyes on Jesus, but not in the passive, campfire song, cuddly teddy bear sort of way (if someone were to dare sing Kumbaya to me right now, I may have to smack them.)
Peace requires eyes on Jesus in a desperate, going to be bitten by a poisonous snake if I don’t lock eyes, sort of way.
Life is full of vomit and sadness.
I listen to Shel cry and fuss and I see his nose run, and he says “NO!” to everything. Is there a cure? Is there a cure for disrespectful three year olds and temperamental two year olds? What happens when you run out of Tylenol? What happens when you run out of patience? What happens when you run out of…ability?
I’m standing in a mud puddle, but I raise my fist to the sky and recite what I know to be true even when I can’t see past the thunder.
I am a mess, I smell like barf. My children are crying a LOT. Recently my friend said that when she reads my blog, she gets the feeling that I’m about to lose it.
I am always about to lose it. I am not able to keep my patience in the face of great cereal tragedies, or hitting competitions.
I’m ready to forget about me. The snakes are biting and I need to fix my eyes on Jesus, the Son of Man lifted up. Good has won, and isn’t that something to focus on?
“And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:2-3 (colorful emphasis mine)
I was going to quote some lyrics from a song I listen to when I need a battle hymn, but I just found out you can download it for free to itunes until April 1. It’s called Manifesto by The City Harmonic. Click here to download it. Listen to it when everything is crazy. Listen to it when you’re in the mud puddle.