In the morning, a terrible mist comes to me. Foggy and groggy, I stumble around the coffee maker, blind. I think everything is grey and stale. My coffee is lukewarm. There are mountains of dirty diapers and my shirt smells like spit, and everything is awful.
Despite my disposition, the world still sparks; I’m not so far from a fairy tale as my brain will lead me to believe.
All mothers live in a fairy tale, but some don’t realize it because they don’t associate magic with finding used diapers IN the toilet.
Granted, it makes sense in light of the “pee-pee and poo-poo go in the potty” mantra that mothers chant, but despite the logic it’s still less glamorous than meeting a fire-breathing dragon.
p.s. Diapers expand in water.
p.p.s. They also explode and leave gel everywhere when you accidentally wash them. Magical, is it not?
If one can get past the potty chaos and deadly morning fog, the world of parenting is pretty awesome.
In this world, all belts are “seat belts”, and innocent looking laundry baskets can become deadly laser guarded prisons in an instant.
Big beds become rocket ships that bounce off houses, and a one-way baby monitor is ALWAYS a walkie talkie, best used when it’s beeping maniacally from being on the wrong channel.
Used toilet paper rolls will stab you in the back when you’re eating.
Goldfish are the main dietary staple: crunchy and delicious.
Most superheroes and quite a few villains vacation in this land, cozy in plastic Tupperware, and it’s the only place where you not only meet Superman, you can accidentally step on him.
Sadly, here it is also possible to have a LITERAL case of “crabby pants”:
No matter what one’s pants look like, no matter what one’s occupation is, there is something fantastic about living. It may take a few cups of coffee and a dedicated prayer life to realize it, but the ordinary life is not very ordinary at all, especially when the people are small.
Note to self: enjoy regular life. It’s spectacular.
“In a utilitarian age, of all other times, it is a matter of grave importance that fairy tales should be respected.” -Charles Dickens