An Update…Hopefully I Haven’t Done Something Illegal…

You guys, today was touch and go.

I don’t know what that means exactly, probably because it’s a sports metaphor (right?), but that’s what today was. Touch. And. Go.

People were crying, there was pinching, there was faux biting (just threats, no teeth)
(not me! the KIDS!)
(okay, I was crying…inside).
Disclaimer: It’s not a real gun. I’m not sure though, about the frog…

I was at the end of my rope, the end of my Time-Out Quota, the end of my parenting ideas and innovations. So, I decided to pray…and blog about it. The blogging part was to make myself feel better (sorry, um, you had to read all that). The praying part was because I was desperate.
I’ve noticed this thing about myself: I pray when desperate, but usually not before. I have this concept of God and prayer: I think that since He can do whatever He wants, there isn’t much point in asking for stuff…no guarantees, etc. So I wait until the last possible resort and then I say to Him, “Okay, I’ve tried everything. It’s not working. I need some magic…please!”
The thing about it is, I’ve recently discovered that God has made some PROMISES to me in the Bible.
I know He keeps his promises. I forget He has promised to complete the good work he started in me…and I don’t have to be patient, or loving, or friendly, on my own. In fact, I can’t be any of those things on my own, especially when those kids ‘o’ mine are dumping juice all over my freshly washed floor. The miracle of it is, when I ask God to take over, to make me a good mother, to be someone that reflects His love to my children, I can depend on Him to say YES.
So I prayed, “HELP!” and I stopped depending on my coffee to save me.
I was expecting Him to answer my prayer in a Monkish way. I envisioned me walking around with the compassion of Mother Teresa and the quiet tone of Marmie March. I thought maybe my children would miraculously behave themselves and be silent, like church mice.
Instead, my three year old got wilder and ruder, and I got crazier. Suddenly I heard the words, “If you don’t behave, I’m going to lick you like a big fluffy dog!” The words came out of MY mouth.
The three year old stared at me for a minute, then he swung at me. I caught his arm and squeezed him tight and licked his face. Then I chased him around the house. He was loving it, laughing and screaming. He stopped being angry with his mom, and I stopped being mad at him for being angry with me.
We went outside to water the flowers that the boys had replanted this morning and I squirted him with the hose. It was on the Power Wash setting (or “Jet” as Q refers to it). He again, thought I was hilarious. Of course, I ended up being drenched as well. Good times.
I spent the rest of the day being the Lizard Lick Monster, The Tickle Monster, and The Wedgie Monster.
Everyone was happy and well behaved. 
The ways of God are mysterious, right? Who can know them?
Sincerely,
Lizard Lick Monster

18 thoughts on “An Update…Hopefully I Haven’t Done Something Illegal…

  1. You're an awesome, fun mom.

    Sometimes I hear myself fussing at Clementine and I wonder: am I just in the habit of fussing at her? Is it that big of a deal that she throws the balls out of the ball pit or shuts her bedroom door or does something…something that's not really a big deal? Am I just fussing to fuss?

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  2. I just had the conversation earlier with Brittany that maybe I am expecting too much out of my children. Expecting them to be adults. What a huge revelation that was. Then she gave me a book by the author you recommended…Lehman or something. And the first thing I read was “are we expecting our children to be perfect?” So awesome to realize that we can't be perfect and neither can our kids. And, oh Holy night, thanks for reminding me that I can't be a good mother on my own. I've been feeling like a huge failure. Now I'm rambling cause I'm tired and I need sleep. Thanks again for your wise words. Can't wait to see you tomorrow.

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  3. Now there's one you'd probably never find in a parenting book! The ways of God, they are mysterious.

    P.S. I gave up on being Marmie March a long, long time ago. Now I sort of even resent her existence. Even if she is a fictional character.

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  4. In reality, Marmee March's (aka Mrs Alcott) life suck-diddly-ucked. Your reality, however hard at times, is an inspiration. Seriously, if I was still a young mom, I would be calling you for advice.

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  5. So true — I often feel like I don't want to trouble God with my piddly little problems (until things get seriously overwhelming).

    I love that you licked your kids. Way to mix it up…

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  6. I'm sitting up in here with a hoodie on that Janie Fox bought me, and a pair of unmatching summer pj bottoms. My tea is drunk, my head is heavy with allergy meds. My friend, I can't imagine life at your house! In retrospect, my house is so quiet my ears ring. I know you'd think you'd want to trade with me – and I think I want to trade with you. Enjoy these crazy times. Listen. : -)

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  7. You are too fun. I am never that fun. Stop being so awesome! You make me feel inadequate! 😉

    Yes. Our boys would have fun and probably get into some crazy adventures together!

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  8. one time when i was young and thought i was old (16) God got my attention and brought me back to himself through a good looking boy in white football pants. true story. oh man days like you are describing– i keep reminding myself that the opportunity to know i am broken is a gift. it's a gift to know how weak i really am. but man it's a hard one to say thank you for. 🙂 tomorrow i will pray quicker and lick more. 🙂

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  9. So funny!

    Before I had kids I often wondered why kids are described as a “gift” from God. (Not that I don't sometimes wonder that today…)

    When I had them, I think the answer perhaps is they drive me to my knees more often! God has mysterious ways indeed.

    Like

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