Because My Kitchen Smells Like Bug Spray and There’s a Stranger In My Shower

Some days are expensive.

We had to call the plumber (he came at 8 p.m.) and my arch enemies (ants) invaded my Nutella. The time change sucked the sleep out of us, everyone was cranky, a little less wealthy, and one shower down from our usual pair.

We consoled ourselves with goat cheese and cranberries, table grapes and fire light. We tried to settle in for a quiet evening with our favorite baby and his bear.

Full of riches, I snapped at the children. They’re so bouncy, so jumpy, loud and pushy full of random kicks and pokes.
I made a mean face and  I watched their faces fall and frankly I don’t know how to be stronger, kinder, and more deserving of the little whirlwind people that I live with.

They just keep growing taller, dirtier, and louder. It’s breaking my heart and I’m loving it.

So I gather my patience again. I tell them they don’t know how much I love them. He says they do; I love them 18. I laugh and say my love is not a number.

And when the day gets dark and pinched, it’s always helpful to stand on a table in your underwear.

 But, it’s always MORE helpful to look at the light instead of the dark, to count the ways you’re rich, the ways you love and are loved, to add until you can’t.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” –Mother Teresa

22 thoughts on “Because My Kitchen Smells Like Bug Spray and There’s a Stranger In My Shower

  1. Ants in the nutella? No! I always say nutella is from the debil. Maybe it's a good thing the ants got it first. 😉

    I am up at 5 a.m. sharp every morning now. And during the night I think of how I've been a killjoy with my boy and pray to be better. A mama's plight, no? Yet, they know we love them.


  2. yuk nutella…let the ants have mine. I am going to take your word for the underwear on the table thingie. ha I know the crabby, gripe at the littles feeling. I have had it more than once. They will grow up and love you ever so much. These days are growing them up strong just by you being there. You are doing a great job. Don't beat yourself up. xo


  3. i read this last night before i went to bed. i wanted to comment and then couldn't think of anything clever to say. now i'm back and awake and really just want to say i love your favorite baby and i love standing on the table in underwear. i may just go do that.


  4. No way.

    My kitchen *might* smell like the dogs got into the trashcan and offered up garbage to the downstairs.

    And there *might* be a stranger in our living room right now fixing a leaky roof.

    So you know what this means, right?

    I'd better go get on a table in my underwear.


  5. Here's the thing. It seems the more sleep-deprived and emotionally drained you get, your writing seems to become even more beautiful. Can't wait to see how Jodi quotes you. Wondering if Amy really did stand on the table in her underwear. I love you eleventy-seven, by the way.


  6. “I made a mean face and I watched their faces fall and frankly I don't know how to be stronger, kinder, and more deserving of the little whirlwind people that I live with.”

    That spoke straight into my heart…I SO have not felt grace and patience much lately 🙂 Tomorrow will be a new opportunity though!


  7. I may need to try the “standing on the table in my underwear”…because some days I don't have the answers (ok…most days I don't have the answers!) I feel the same though: sometimes my dudes drive me crazy, I growl and snap and then that mom-guilt over-runneth. I love my dudes, their unending forgiveness, and the perfection that is our crazy, imperfect life!


  8. Ohh I want to squeeze that little baby face and kiss him! Your boys are all so adorable. I want to sit by the fire eating goat cheese and cranberries with you. Even if you snap at me because I'm too wiggly (which I am), it's okay. Because I know you love me 18. Well, an 18 in blogland. There's a conversion chart here somewhere.


  9. It has been so long since I've visited you! And it was so beautiful! I read your last several posts and was so touched! Why have I stayed away? Why did I not subscribe forever ago? It's official. I am a follower!


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