The Love Affair In My Living Room

You should know that my children never sleep through the night until they’re 9 months old.

Even when he’s sleeping (finally) he has his hands on the exit bars.

Tobin has, for the first time in his career/life, slept through the night until 4 a.m. There has been much rejoicing. There has been much sleeping. Everyone is happy.

Except for Dr. Claw.

I like how I take detailed pictures of cat legs, but blurry pics of cat faces. I’ll call it art. It sounds nicer than “bad photography” right?

I may or may not have put off “fixing” Dr. Claw. She is an inside cat. There isn’t a “Fix Your Cat” delivery service where someone just picks the ding dang cat up and delivers it when the job is done. I actually have to carve time out of my schedule for this, and I’ve been using my spare time to sleep…and to garden obsessively.

These may or may not be excuses.

And now I have to take a minute to yell at my friend Brittany, who asks me ALL THE TIME if my cat had kittens yet.

“So guess what? I just read a good book, it’s called Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children and it’s about…”


MY CAT HAS NOT HAD KITTENS! Nor is she on a special island for children with special abilities who are trying to escape monsters. Nor are her kittens. My cat does not factor in at all to Miss Peregrine Home For Peculiar Children. My cat does, however, factor into this story that I am trying to tell you. Sadly I’ve interrupted myself to yell at Brittany and I’m not sure how to get this train back on the tracks. ANYWHO…

I have started sleeping THROUGH THE NIGHT for the FIRST TIME IN ALMOST A YEAR.

However, last night, I was rudely woken (awoken?) several times by some passionate meowing (mewing?). Dr Claw was as snug as an unfixed feline in the laundry room, but a new “friend” had shown up on our back porch.

This black, long haired, specimen declared his love the entire night. I know because I woke up many, many times, to the melodic mewing of a cat in love. 2 a.m? MEOW! 4 a.m? MEWROW! etc.

Derrick says it’s not love, and I’d like to take a minute to yell at him too, but I’m afraid he’s probably right.

When the dawn broke, the black cat crept off and we rejoiced in our coffee.

Then the sun set again. Tonight. The ding dang cat is back. He is perched on our back porch. The cats are singing lusty, romantic songs to each other….constantly.

Let’s not talk about the Ft. Knox door lock on the GLASS DOOR. Just. Don’t. 

I had to put Dr. Claw in the laundry room. She was embarrassing herself.

We’re on lock down here, chaperoning a rather worldly unfixed feline. AND YES I AM GOING TO GET HER FIXED! TRULY! AS SOON AS SOMEONE OFFERS TO TAKE HER TO THE VET! NO REALLY I’LL DO IT, BECAUSE I WANT TO SLEEP AGAIN….SOON. But, if anyone wants an easy five dollars, I have a job for you…

NO! I do NOT mean I need you to “fix” my cat. I’ll leave that to the professionals. I just might need you to drive her to and from the hypothetical appointment so I don’t have to do it. Because I need my sleep. And I’m lazy. And I have books to read. And succulents to plant.


16 thoughts on “The Love Affair In My Living Room

  1. I can understand your “reluctance/procrastination” in getting your cat “fixed. If I lived closer(not 2 states Noth of you in Washington), I'd love ❤ to assit you by taking the cat to the Vet and back to you.


  2. “She was embarrassing herself.” Muahahaha!! You're hilarious. I've missed you. And of course that's not because YOU have gone anywhere. It's just because I have fallen off my horse and can't seem to find time to get back on!! I may not have unfixed feline romantical drama taking place in my living room at 2am, but I do, however, have a screaming baby at 9p, 2a and 5a because she hates (and by hate, I mean HATE) her new bed in her new room….that she shares with the toddler (um, yeah). I mean come on – be flexible child!!


  3. I've turned into a terrible cat mama since having two more children. Sad, but true. The two males moved outside. One of them, in particular, has turned into a much happier animal. My husband has turned into a much happier man because there are no animals, inside, to spray anything. Which…they're neutered; I don't know why they took to spraying after we moved into the log cabin? Anyway, the female remained inside because I just knew she'd die if we put her out. But after a series of dramas, she moved to Glen Burnie, MD to live w/ my friend of 19 years. They're totally smitten w/ one another, and I'm happy for them. Also, again, for my husband because there are no animals, inside, to destroy furniture; endanger themselves by eating thread or getting stuck behind a bookshelf; or attract fleas. Which…she was strictly indoor; I don't know how she got fleas. Clearly, I've become a terrible cat mama.


  4. If I lived nearby, I would cuddle her and squeeze her and love on her and take her to the vet for you. It would probably be a little awkward with me just showing up your doorstep because I know your address, but I think we're good enough online friends we could move past my mild creepiness.


  5. have i ever mentioned to you that i live in a zoo? b/cs not only do i have the hubs and 4 boys (or as i like to call them, the Menagerie), we also have 2 dogs and 2 cats. all of them are unfixed females. oh, except one of the cats. he's an unfixed male. WHATWEREWETHINKING? ohweweren't. so guess who's pregnant?!!? not me. i'm fixed.

    and the boys? are so. excited.

    think i'll take a nap.


  6. Well, I'm happy for you that you are/were sleeping through the night before all the feline decadence started. Maybe you should just have the boys watch and call it a science lesson?

    I'm not being terribly helpful here. If I lived near you, I would definitely take your cat to the vet. Seriously.


  7. Once we put off getting our cat fixed. We lived in an apartment and the first time she went in heat was pretty quick and not so bad. However, the next time she went in heat it lasted longer…And every time my husband spoke she'd fling herself on the ground and roll around and meow and meow. Poor man felt violated. It eventually forced us to get her fixed.


  8. So, is that book good? I was thinking about reading it. I have two cats who are both boys. They're fixed, because boy cats who aren't fixed stink the house up.


  9. Catching up on your blog, sister. As usual, you (and that photo of Derrick) make me laugh. We've had howling dogs in our neighborhood this week. I stomped up and down the street at 11 p.m. in my pajamas looking for the culprits while my husband hid in the house horrified. I just had to know who was responsible, you know?


  10. I would take a squirt gun, a big one, to that yowler. What is it with men? They always have to cause such a ruckus when a pretty girl is in the picture.

    We do not have a cat, but we are lucky enough to live next to cat people and they're 2700 cats fight all night long. They seem to prefer our patio for their fights. And from the amount of noises, I'm pretty sure these are arranged fights where they sell tickets. It's hard living next to cat people.


  11. Oh JoAnn. I feel your pain. Not so much in the middle of the night, though. Mine is more public.

    You see, one of our dogs (female AND fixed) also embarrasses herself. Regularly. On her dog bed that is in the family room where family, friends, and unwitting strangers gather.

    The more people around, the more she goes to town. So to speak.
    I try to get her to stop. Then Bill urges me to “let her finish.”

    For real?

    Still, I suppose that's better than when he smiles and says, “Just like Mommy.”
    (Not in front of the kids. Usually.)

    Sigh. Can we still be friends?


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