A Sticky Snippet With a Hint of Dinosaur

The photos in this post have nothing to do with anything. They are from earlier in the morning, before the gum incident of 2013, but I feel that they illustrate my day perfectly. My days are full of monkeys, dinosaurs, and aggression, but it’s all covered with a layer of cuteness so thick I’m willing to overlook anything…except gum.

“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”
-Erma Bombeck

Today the boys did a great job “helping” me take the dog to the groomers, so while I cleaned up the yard they were given gum. I didn’t buy this gum, it was a gift from a birthday party.

In the middle of working, the groomer called to tell me the dog was ready to be picked up, so I loaded everyone up into the minivan of power and made them promise not to swallow or spit their gum out.

I drove along innocently (you know where this is going, don’t you?) and my four year old started telling me he needed a lot more gum so he could be Spiderman. I “umhmm’ed” absentmindedly.

A few minutes later, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the 4 year old holding strands of gum. I screeched, “PUT THAT GUM BACK IN YOUR MOUTH THIS INSTANT!” but he dillydallied. I started to sweat and clench the steering wheel. Then I noticed the 3 year old had also pulled his gum out. When we stopped at the groomer’s to pick up the puppy I had to sit in the minivan drenched in sweat (it is going to be an unholy 108 degrees today) while I tried to pick tiny strands of gum off of everything. EVERYTHING. The gum was webbed over car seats and faces and shirts and arms in a way that would have made Peter Parker proud.

I told everyone they would never get gum again. Everyone cried. Then I said, “Maybe when you’re five” and people cheered up a little bit.

On the way home, we ended up talking about dying because I didn’t put a seat belt on the dog.

I felt the conversation was a bit more than I could handle in light of my sweaty, sticky, state, but I did my best to field questions about God and how big his hands are and if he throws bombs at bad guys. The boys decided there is a lot of juice in heaven (in case you were wondering).

They feel that you can have as much juice as you want in heaven. You can drink juice all day. You can drink it for a week. When Shel goes to heaven, he says he’s going to ask God, “where’s your duice so I can dwink it?”

So far, the boys have decided that heaven is great and there is juice for everyone AND dinosaurs you can fight with. I haven’t argued about it, because what do I know? But…if anyone asks me if there might be bubble gum in heaven I will say, “NO THERE IS NO BUBBLE GUM IN HEAVEN”

Am I right?



So tell me, what tales of childhood destruction/adorableness do you have? 

13 thoughts on “A Sticky Snippet With a Hint of Dinosaur

  1. I don't think I have anything as good (terrible) as your gum. But I will tell you this: a week or so ago, we were in the book exchange, and Clementine BEGGED for a book about Strawberry Shortcake dressed like Snow White. I didn't want to buy it for her b/c I've gotten rid of a ton of books like that (paperback / flimsy / not well written), also b/c it was overpriced. But I gave in. I kid you not: on the way to a family birthday party that exact same evening, she got bored and shredded that book. I haven't been that angry for a long time, and I haven't been that angry since. I can't stand it when she tears stuff up for no reason…

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  2. OH, I would have gone crazy. I hate that too. What did you do? It was everything I could do to keep it together and not go crazy. I'm glad they have Jesus and his juice when things get prickly with their mommy. 🙂

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  3. Oh my word. I felt myself saying, “Oh no!” while reading this, and then laughing at the end. The heaven conversation with Cole happens at random times (always him bringing it up) and often involves my beloved grandfather (Papa) and how happy he is with Jesus. While at my mom's he usually points to Papa's picture and says,”There's Papa. He's with Jesus. He's happy.” HOWEVER, he is in the argumentative phase of being three years old. He brought up Papa while we were at my grandma's this weekend. I missed the beginning of the conversation he was having with my grandma, but I heard Mimi say to him, “We miss Papa, don't we?” to which he replied, “No, we don't miss him.” My mom, who normally gets sad about her dad not being with us, started busting up laughing.

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  4. oh man…once when my girls were little, my oldest, Annie had a friend over. They were about 7. My other two were 3 and 4. Annie and the friend were in the tub. I was lying on the couch with bonbons no doubt… while the two youngest proceeded to throw all and I mean ALL the stuffed animals into the tub with the other girls.
    Stuffed animals joined the ranks of Play Dough, glitter and gum. Devilment I tell ya. Pure evil haha

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  5. WHAT? No bubblegum in heaven? I was looking forward to blowing bubbles while I sipped my juice.

    I cannot imagine the horror of picking gum off of everything and everyone in 100+ heat. There must be a special sainthood reserved for mothers who get through that one.

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  6. Sorry to tell you we're a gum chewing family. Not bubble gum but the boring grown-up mint variety. I guess it's not as sticky because I've never found it strung across the seats. Although, on second thought, I haven't looked back there in awhile now that nobody needs help buckling. Yikes. Now I'm scared.

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  7. oh you crack me up!

    ''I told everyone they would never get gum again. Everyone cried. Then I said, “Maybe when you're five” and people cheered up a little bit.

    On the way home, we ended up talking about dying because I didn't put a seat belt on the dog.''

    super funny and so sums up life with kids! love your blog SO MUCH!!! XXX

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  8. “Maybe when you're five” hahaha-softy 😉 ok, so when my eldest son was 5, I caught him in the pantry closet. he drug his tricycle in there. he jimmied open a can of house paint and was painting his bike with it. I screamed, “What do you call this?!” he replied (honestly, he really said this), “Lack of parental supervision.” I was too stunned to kill him. The end. Oh, and second boy child would hide his poo and orange peels behind the sofa. Why? Why?! WHY?!! Perhaps the orange peels were to disguise the smell. All this to say, we all survided and lived to tell the tale.

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  9. I've been away on vacation and tried to unplug – so I missed a ton of hilarious posts here. This is my favorite so far. Because 1) Bubble gum might, indeed, have been invented by the evil one and 2)Dogs and death is a popular topic around our house too. I cannot speak to the juice, but then again, as long as there's some of the fermented grape variety, I will happily continue on my journey there.

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