Why Don’t You Just Poop In My Cupboard?


I’m still battling the problem of me and spare time. And by spare time, I mean time that should be used for cleaning/laundry/reorganizing/anything sock related. See…I am still planning a murder mystery party for around 50 people. And today? I decided to repaint my bathroom cupboards.

It started with a trip to Anthropologie, the store I should never go to. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. I always end up buying something, and you never know where a small sale purchase will lead…

They had some cute hardware on sale, little ceramic squirrels and foxes that I thought might just work with my white cabinets that are currently sporting brass hardware with white enamel circles. If I had to pick one thing that I hate about my house, it would be the hardware on my cupboards. I know. Big problems. As I type this, Derrick is watching a documentary on the Chilean miners who were trapped.

Long story longer, the sale hardware didn’t work, but I did fall in love with this little brass fox.

 He is expensive. I decided I might be able to afford to put him in the bathroom if I buy one a week for eight weeks and cut back on something.

Right now, I have a bag full of ceramic squirrels that just will not go in my house, and I need to return them. I need to buy a little brass fox.

But first? I needed to repaint my bathroom cupboards.

So after some online research that told me I could lightly sand the existing cupboards and paint over the paint, I hopped over to Home Depot, dragged some little boys away from the saws, and purchased my first power tool.

I felt powerful, but ironically the power tool is called, “Mouse”.

It’s a cute little hand-held sander, and I thought with The Mouse’s help, I’d be done with this project in about four days.

The boys walked into their bathroom and started crying because I had taken the cupboards off of their hinges. “MOM! You bwoke our bafroom!” cried Sheldon. I told him I was going to make it better, and nicer. I told the boys I was fixing UP the bathroom for them. Q quietly put his hand on my shoulder and said, “I don’t think you can do that mom.”

Then the paint started peeling. I don’t think the person who painted the cupboards bothered to take the varnish off of the wood, but in any case, it looks like I’ll be sanding and priming, and maybe stripping. It’s going to take some time.

Then Tobin developed a horrible diaper rash. I washed his little bottom and it was still Oh So Red, so I decided to let him hang out in the nude.

Sadly, I didn’t notice him doing his business. It was a little runny because he seems to have a tummy virus. I didn’t notice that he stepped in it, and left little poop foot prints all over the living room.

We had pizza for dinner.

I went to Target and bought a bunch of ointments that my friend Amy suggested for my poor little guy. Because one thing I know: he is NOT going to hang out in my house whilst naked anymore.

Unfortunately the things Amy told me to buy were: feminine itch cream and anti-inflammatory spray for minor burns and scrapes. I put those two items in the cart and realized that they made me look very, very bad. Or at least, very, very yeasty.

I rushed over to the baby section and grabbed diaper ointment as fast as I could.

The point of this post (if there is a point) is: there’s a huge pile of folded laundry on the couch, a bathroom that is somewhat sanded, somewhat painted. There’s a party to plan, with all the demands that making an awesome costume require. And of course, there’s that pesky diaper rash. You would think my plate is full, but I bet you a small brass fox I’ll think of some other project to attack while the boys are in preschool.

I know it’s crazy, but I’m having a blast, enjoying every minute that doesn’t have poop in it, savoring life. I’ve spent the last four years of life being rather sleep deprived and on the brink of crazy. Motherhood has taught me to seize the moments as they come. Nap when you can nap, buy power tools when you can buy power tools. Because you never know when someone is going to poop on your floor.

Here’s a sneak peak at my costume for the Murder Mystery 1920’s party I’m throwing. I bought this dress online at Old Navy for 20 dollars. It’s got the required drop waist silhouette and all it needs now is…some bling! 

Because all I need now is another project. 

11 thoughts on “Why Don’t You Just Poop In My Cupboard?

  1. That baby bum! I hope he's better. Sorry you had to deal with poop footprints.

    I painted my cabinets in my bathroom. They were stained. The left door has all the paint chipped off the top part because my daughter never used the knob to open it. Her fingernails left a mark I don't ever want to repair. I keep thinking I'll paint my kitchen cabinets, but then I wake up from my dream world before I lose my mind.


  2. Try clotrimazole for the little guy's butt. Is he teething? It sounds like my firstborn when he was that age and teething – he'd get diarrhea, then get a yeast infection on his skin. It's not regular diaper rash, and diaper rash cream won't help. The clotrimazole (athlete's foot cream) should clear it up. Use it every diaper change. And, unfortunately, airing it out will help, too. We had to corral our little guy in one room, and covered the floor with a couple of layers of bed sheets in case of accidents. I hope he's feeling better soon – our guy's rash would get really painful!


  3. Sister, we are cut from the same cloth (1920's lingo). Anywho, it always starts for me with a trip to Anthropologie, which I partially blame–err, I mean thank you for, ever since you told me how to sign up for an Anthro card and catalogue. Yes, Anthro colors every aspect of my life. Well, not spiritually. By the way, the Chilean miners did escape. As far as diaper rash goes, have you ever tried Caldesene powder? I used it on my kids diaper rash, and it cleared it up pretty quick. I love your dress. Bling it up, baby!


  4. That picture at the end is awesome. I'd like a tutorial on that, please. Poop strewn floors and sandy stained cupboards… the stuff every mother with a little extra time on her hands dreams of. (I, too, vote for a book.) (Because surely, you are counting the votes.) (In your spare time.)


  5. I have always wanted to come by here because I sometimes see comments from you on others blogs and think that anyone who titles her blog “Ostriches Look Funny” is totally worthy of some reading time.
    And I love you! I do! I was absolutely laughing and relating and wanting to remodel my own cabinetry simultaneously. This is the truth. So you have a new subscriber and a friend here. 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s