Thoughts From My Kleenex Box

Sometimes when I’m sick I remember the helpless, frustrated feeling of the past few years. I’ve always been pregnant or nursing, these five years. It was hard. I was treading water, feeding my children too much fast food, leaving the laundry piles too high, fighting with my husband too much, drinking soda to sooth my nerves. I clung to God. I wrote. I judged myself harshly. I confessed publicly.

So when I get a head cold and don’t feel like fixing dinner, I feel the feelings of new motherhood, the overwhelmed, exhausted feelings. I might panic a little.

I think I have been more depressed than I realized. Now that I’m not depressed and can remember what it’s like to get a full night’s sleep, I am extremely wary of going back to the dark days of helpless hopelessness.  So tonight I made dinosaur nuggets for the kids and asked my husband to pick up dinner for our fancy adult palates.

And…I didn’t feel guilty about it, even though I wanted to.

There’s a load of laundry in the dryer, and it’s calling to me but I’m busy blowing my nose. Do you know what? I can fluff and fold it tomorrow.

I’m tired. I’m snotty. My floor needs sweeping and my children have watched a lot of television. But this is just a season, and when you are sick or tired or just worn down by life, you need to be gracious to yourself. I might feel better tomorrow. Things will get done…someday.

Maybe the hardest part is the “No” part. The part where you have to confess, “I can’t do it. I am a child of weakness, I am small.” We don’t want to hear the masses telling us we are wrong, that we CAN do it, and by the way, chicken nuggets are going to kill everyone. We just want the masses to help us and understand, because we are all susceptible to head colds, we are all bruised and broken.

When we are small, He is big. When we are weak, He is strong.

Maybe all of our problems are because we are so full of Yes and Goals and Success that we just don’t want to ask God for help and wait on Him while we feed our children chicken nuggets.

But God loves to help us, and our children love chicken nuggets. There’s no need to freak out.

13 thoughts on “Thoughts From My Kleenex Box

  1. Guess what I did tonight? I sent my husband and all the children to church and I stayed home in my pj's on the couch…not because I'm sick, just because it was needed. I didn't fold laundry, I didn't do lesson plans or grade papers. I just sat and looked through pictures and watched Survivor (i'm a die-hard fan) And I didn't fee guilty for any of it!

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  2. Joann, I was already weepy the last couple of hours, and now your words made me weep more. For real, friend. I've been feeling decent (as decent as I think I can yet) about letting things go and not being so hard on myself as a mama here recently, but your words resonated with me for other reasons, too. “We just want the masses to help us and understand, because we are all susceptible to head colds, we are all bruised and broken.” Feeling bruised and broken tonight, just wanting to be understood – and this (and psalm 139) helped.

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  3. Definitely give yourself some much needed grace. I'm sorry you're not feeling well. It's tough to be a mother to littles when you feel puny.

    I'm participating in the A-Z challenge this month and have had a daughter home. I'm waaaay behind in reading, just paddling fast to keep up with this everyday blogging stuff. I normally don't blog 6 days a week. Every April I remember why : ) Feel better!

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  4. I totally related to this post-about the “new mom blues.” I shudder at the thought and don't want to go back. Is that bad to say? 😉 Hope you feel better! No guilt! Your kids most likely LOVED it.

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  5. I'm still in that part with the no sleep and the nursing (etc – all of it). You always make me feel like maybe there really is some portion of the masses that gets it, that doesn't shame you for it all. Thanks. Xo (I haven't been reading blogs much the last couple months and I guess i need to 😉

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  6. First of all I want to say fantastic blog! I had a quick question which I'd like to ask if you don't mind.

    I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts before writing.
    I have had a tough time clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out.
    I do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted simply just
    trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or hints?

    Thanks!

    Also visit my blog – Funny

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  7. It is a season, and it will pass. I'm praying for you to get over this nasty cold. Have you checked with a doctor to see if it's a sinus infection? You might need antibiotics. Anyway, if I was your neighbor, I'd make you some of my famous matzo-ball soup. xx

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