The harvest is in and it’s a good one this year, like it was last year and the year before that.
It’s gotten to a point where I don’t know what to do with myself, with the blessings raining down and the storehouses full and the little boy hugs freely given. I don’t know what to say.
I started blogging when I was a new mom, with no sleep and tricky hormones. I had to sit down to see, I had to type to taste the wild grace of everyday. Now I see the gifts everywhere, rolling out and reseeding like the zinnias in my mother’s November garden. It’s a time of plenty for me and it’s pouring through my fingers so fast that I can’t stop to count them.
Sometimes I worry it won’t last, and sometimes I try to gather the gifts and save them for tomorrow. I stay up at night wondering how to preserve my good fortune. Sometimes having much is scary. What if I lose it? What if I’m doing it wrong? What if, when it’s gone and I have to struggle to find gifts…what if I regret how I lived when things were golden and good?
I pry my hand open.
I pry my hand open.
Here are my children. They sing hymns and talk about heaven. They are sweet and hilarious and full of energy and dance moves.
Here is my comfort and my safety and my pantry with several varieties of cereal. Here. Is. My. Hand.
Today I took the boys to crack walnuts with a few of their Great Aunts. We sat in a circle cracking and sorting while Q rode his bike around the barn, and Shel used a nutcracker to his hearts content.
We went inside for lunch (made by my Great Aunt Ruth, although she tried to blame the cookies on my Great Aunt Reinette who refused to take credit, and my Great Aunt Jean suggested my mother taste them to see how delicious persimmon cookies MIGHT be and I had seconds and laughed thirds and fourths). My Great Aunt Monteen, who is 98, led us in prayer. She thanked God for our many blessings, the food, the walnuts, the company and the opera music they listened to on the drive over. I found myself standing in the place that I have been standing in for quite some time. What do you do when you are swimming in abundance?
She quietly asked, “Lord make us worthy of all of these blessings.”
I pried my hand open.
Next year’s harvest might be a bad one. The little people I love might not turn out how I’d like them to. There’s just one thing to ask, because God is not an insurance salesman.
Make me worthy Lord.
He is, and He will, and He has promised to. He will be faithful to complete His good work in me, during times of plenty and times of want. My hand is open, but His is closed, holding me tightly and secure, always.
I am a Compassion International Blogger, which means that sometimes I use my little sphere of influence here to draw attention to children who are in need of food, clothing, education etc. around the world. Because of the typhoon that has hit the Philippines, there are a lot of people in need. UNICEF estimates about 1.7 million children are living in the typhoon’s path. Many are displaced and helpless. Compassion is a five star charity organization that has set up a Disaster Relief and Stability Fund. This fund will provide things like emergency food and water and restoring the supplies a family needs for earning income. Please pray for the children and families who have been impacted by this disaster, and consider clicking HERE to donate to the relief fund.