Sticks and Carrots

If this was real life and not the Internet, I would be blowing dust off of metal keys and brushing spiderwebs away from a trusty typewriter. Then I would press the “I” button (my favorite subject) and the key would fly to the paper and kill the innocent tiny spider that had been living on it for months, undisturbed. Then, my story would have a spider body on it, and maybe some spider guts. How can I turn that into a publisher? I mean, it’s not a good first impression to send bug bodies to someone you want to impress and give you money. SO then, I would quit, because it doesn’t take much, and I would wander off to eat a cinnamon strudel muffin, fresh out of the oven.


What I am saying is, it’s a good thing I don’t have a typewriter or you wouldn’t be hearing about “I” at all.

All about I:

I am trying to be nicer to my four year old, who says things like, “I DO WHAT I WANT” and, “You just be quiet mom. Just shut your wittle mouf and don’t say sings”. He says these things either very sweetly OR very scream-i-ly. Either way it can be a trial. He also insists on wearing his underwear backwards so he can see the pictures better. All mothers can agree that the underwear makers are messing up our lives by putting the cool pictures on the back. Lately he has become opposed to pants as well, because then he REALLY can not see the undie graphics. Hence, he was riding his bike around the cul de sac with his only backwards underwear on all afternoon. I did make him wear a helmet.

I don’t feel like pants should be a battle. Not when you’re four I mean. I think it should be completely mandatory to wear pants, especially while riding a bike, if you are a hairy man. I am pro-pants for hairy men. I am also pro-sanity, and I have what they call, “a powerful child” (or three).

HEY LOOK! Pants! (it was winter)

I even bought a book to help me (Parenting Your Powerful Child: Bringing an End to Everyday Battles by Dr. Kevin Leman) and do you know what this book told me to do? It said, “do not engage” or you will lose your mind. I am paraphrasing but I am pretty positive that was the major takeaway. If you have a powerful, strong child, do not go into battle with them. Instead, let them make choices and deal with the consequences. It is working pretty well so far. Sometimes.

This book is also why a different powerful child of mine, NAME REDACTED, is going to be having vegetable soup for breakfast, before he gets his strudel-less muffin. Tonight he decided he didn’t want to eat vegetable soup. Much to my delight, he offered to eat baby food instead. Then he decided to go on a hunger strike. Then he decided to grace us with his presence and cry hysterically over his soup. It sounds dramatic but this happens to me EVERY time I make vegetable beef soup so I was unfazed. Instead of engaging, I just said he didn’t have to eat it now, but I would save it for breakfast. He couldn’t debate because it was HIS CHOICE.

He did weep uncontrollably because soup for breakfast is SO MEAN. I am being sarcastic here, I think it’s ridiculous. I am surprised he didn’t put on sack clothes and ashes because it was THAT UPSETTING. He was the Job of Soup.

I have had to do this one other time with another kid, and the next morning he cried for an hour before he decided to chow down. That time it was chicken and rice. WHO DOESN’T LIKE CHICKEN AND RICE? Anyway I made sure I was making pancakes that day. I like to put carrots in front of noses. I have powerful children, and I should not engage, but motivate them to do the right thing.

Speaking of carrots, the boys are really into Minecraft (it’s a video game where you can build things out of cubes and whatnot). The other day Shel told me how he “put a saddle on a pig, and then rode it around.” He confided that he used a carrot on a stick to steer the pig. Time well spent.

Not MINECRAFT but still

It’s hard for me to decide if pig riding was a better use of video game time OR if Q’s elaborate house that he built and filled with zombies wins that category.

7 thoughts on “Sticks and Carrots

  1. Bahaha! I'm sorry. It's not funny. I know, but I just can't help it. “Just shut your wittle mouf and don't say sings.” It reminded me of my granddaughter who, when I was asking her why she wet her pants in her car seat in the driveway in the yard yesterday, put her hands on her hips and gave me the cutest grin. When I didn't react, she changed the position of her hands and the tilt of her head. I finally asked what she was doing. She told me “Daddy says to always smile (bigger grin).” Oh, I pray for you moms who are pulling 2-3-4yo duty.


  2. Good gravy, dude! I feel your pain. Pants are a necessity. But, really? Seeing the pictures on the BACK of your undies is way way way more important. Seriously. I'm on his side. Then again, I'm on the side of whatever gets a mama thru a day with a Powerful Child. Who might like to wear Tinkerbell costumes to school, and the dentist, and the bathtub. Or, whatever.

    Hang in there.


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