Christmas and Cats

 

It’s the worst time of year if you’re a cat in a Christmas-y house. The tinsel, the tree, the wrapping paper. They hate it.

Last Christmas, Ghost Cat was still living up to her name and she didn’t go near the Christmas tree. She spent her days and nights wailing in the hall and running away when a breeze whispered in the leaves. This year our rescue cat is more adventurous. She’s ready to take on the holiday that all cats hate: Christmas. I’m not in a position to explore the reasons behind the collective cat sabotage efforts of this holiday, but I’m guessing it has something to do with the devil.

cat
Anyway, my friend Sunshine has about 1000 house cats (give or take) and she is constantly posting photos of murdered Christmas trees on her Facebook. She can’t have nice Christmas things: the cats won’t stand for it (I don’t know why she keeps trying. Probably she’s an optimist, which is also probably why she has so many cats).

Thankfully, we haven’t had a Christmas tree murder at our house. Ghost Cat is too subtle for that. She just sneaks in and drinks all the water from the tree water thing. She’s the type of cat who would poison you slowly. There are other, more delusional types of cats (like Sunshine’s) that just attack Christmas trees ten times as tall as them. They’re the kamikaze cats as opposed to the assassin cats. Once I had a cat who spent all of Christmas morning attacking unwrapped Christmas paper, a war of futility if I ever saw one.

Even though my cat hates Christmas, I love it. I have been looking forward to it all year (it seems). Now that it’s practically here, I just feel like wearing pajamas and watching cartoons. I am deeply offended that there is a pile of unfolded laundry on the couch, and I don’t feel like cooking. Last year on this exact day I was making two different kinds of cookies, but this year I am pretending I don’t have presents to wrap and my kids are binge watching Puss and Boots.

I think moms can feel an obligation to make holiday magic, and that is a good thing because APPARENTLY THESE PRESENTS AREN’T GOING TO WRAP THEMSELVES. I have to be careful though, or I end up like the cats in my life: aggressive and out to destroy Christmas. It can be stressful. There’s no shame in my pajama game, because I know that the true meaning of Christmas has nothing to do with the Christmas-y things the cats are out to destroy. Wrapping presents isn’t even on the top ten list of Christmas Meanings. I’m kind of annoyed that my procrastination hasn’t yielded a magical elf to do it for me. It used to work, back when I lived with my mother. Now I’m the mother so…to tape-ing I go!

I’m sure Ghost Cat will be full of rejoicing when this holiday is over and the tree is gone, but her water won’t be minty anymore. If you have a cat, has your tree survived? Is your cat an assassin cat like mine is, or are they less subtle?

Happy Christmas (unless you’re a cat)!

 

2 thoughts on “Christmas and Cats

  1. I won’t discuss the evilness of my cats, because it will put me in a non-Christmas-y mood. I love, love, love that you are back writing here. The ostrich banner is divine, as is your writing. You make my day and I plan to read more as soon as I have a break from my “company’s coming” preparations. ❤

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  2. Hahahaha we definitely have a kamikazi cat. And I’m with you on the loving Christmas but needing an elf helper this year (every year?) Also, did you know that Christmas trees were poisonous to cats? Obviously your cat is a superior breed, as she seems to thrive on pine-sap water. Since mine is a bubble cat who has a near death experience if she ingests anything remotely green, we have fake trees … also right now she is trying to sharpen her teeth on the edge of my computer screen which is her idea of telling me she is hungry. So since I don’t want her to destroy MY Christmas tree, I’ll end this comment. Merry Christmas to you all, dear ostriches!

    P.S. I adore your new blog design and header. Is that your work? You got some mad talent, girl.

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